The one-year mark

One year ago, on the first of July, 2015, I tried to deal with my raced heart as I pressed the button. I was making A Thousand Epiphanies go public.

I have had other blogs before. When I was living in Brazil, I maintained one blog in which I wrote in Portuguese for years and years. It was called, in literal translation, Lessons and Passions (in Portuguese, these two words rhyme). For some crazed time, I kept three simultaneous blogs. They were different from A Thousand Epiphanies in tone and style.

That’s why I hesitated so much to create A Thousand Epiphanies. People never figure this kind of thing, but it stayed as an idea for more than six months. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep it, or that I would eventually abandon it. I’m not saying that this will never happen; there’s no way to predict life. But there was something particularly strong in me whenever I thought about it. Then, one day, I realized that the feeling that kept nagging at me, pushing me to consider the blog more and more, wasn’t born out of some random whim.

It was born out of necessity.

I needed the channel to write, to publish. To express myself. Any and every situation that affected me somehow made me create imaginary posts. So, in 2015, I decided that I would do it. Someday.

There were too many technicalities, anyway. I had to find the perfect name. The perfect layout. The perfect categories. I thought about it day and night, but perfection is a tricky thing. You never think it’s good enough.

My 24th birthday came and I went to Budapest to celebrate it. It was my first completely solo trip. No one understood why I wanted to go alone and, to be honest, I’m not sure I understood it either. I just needed to do it.

When I was there, leaning my body on the low walls of the citadel, looking over the Danube, studying the landscape and, in particular, the Parliament, a thought struck me dead in the middle of my body like an arrow.

It didn’t have to be perfect. It just needed to be mine.

That was, I would say, one of those defining moments. Whenever I think about that day and remember that moment, I am brought back to my blog and what it represents to me now.

As soon as I got back home, on the very same day, I bought the domain. Somewhere between Hungarian and Belgian land, during the flight back, I had settled on the name, so all I needed to really start was act on it.

For over a month, I worked on it every day. On how it would look, on what I would post. I created routine charts to write that I never followed, categories that soon disappeared, ideas that were debated and discarded.

Finally, on the 1st of July, I took a deep breath and pressed the button.

And now it’s been a year.

A lot of things happened during this year. In my personal life, my professional one, my emotional one – and in my blogging one. Back in Brazil, I only bothered to write. Most of the times, I wouldn’t even tell anyone about it. Here, with this one, there was something more; a sort of ambition that fell naturally into place.

After a few months of only writing, I decided to launch a Facebook page. Then, because social media is not made of only one channel, I thought what the hell and opened Twitter and Instagram accounts as well. At some point, I ordered business cards – man, that was when I realized this was getting serious. I had never, in my whole life, spent money with business cards. I would never have considered to order them for my blog back in Brazil. Here, it was an investment.

I remember when they arrived. I opened the box, held one business card for inspection and started to shriek and jump like a teenage girl. In the middle of the excited shrieks and jumps, I realized I was crying. I was so, so proud of it.

I love my blog – I love A Thousand Epiphanies. I never expected to love it so much. There was a time this year when I was miserable and couldn’t find the time to do anything; if I had two free hours in the week, it was a small miracle. I was tired, exhausted, frazzled. But the thought of using those two hours to rest, instead of using it to write for my blog, never crossed my mind. Every minute that I could use for it, I did.

Now, all of this might make you think my ultimate purpose is to become a professional blogger. I won’t lie to you; it would be a nice way to live my life. But I’m not sure (not at the moment, at least) that I want to make my blog go professional. I love it too much right now the way it is (which is not a profitable way) to change it. So I’m still thinking about it. Who knows.

This blog is one of the projects I love the most. It’s part of me. And today, when it completes one year, I have only one thing to say to it: Thank you.

And thank you, readers, for being with me in this journey. You are as important to me as the words I write. Have a wonderful day.

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