Letter to my grandfather

I will never forget how yours was the most beautiful goodbye I ever went through. Nobody can convince me it was just a dream. There I was in the backstage of your new life, watching you. There were so many people running around, making sure everything was ready for your rebirth, but all I could see was you. Smiling at me like you always did.

I got up, walked to you and said: “It’s been such a long time since I last saw you.” You replied, but I don’t remember what, I just know it made me laugh. While I was still laughing, you caressed my cheek, and suddenly I wasn’t laughing anymore. In all the other times I had seen you in dreams, I had never been able to touch you or feel your touch.

Ever since you had left this world, eight years before, I had with me the constant wish to hug you one last time. And you gave me that in that beautiful dream. That’s what I realized when you touched my cheek. With an almost panicked desperation, I threw myself at you and let go of all the tears I had been holding for so long. I felt your warm skin against mine, alive and comforting, and it was almost like I was a child again, so safe and sound around your arms. I didn’t say anything, I just cried, but I knew you were getting the message.

I was crying because I was too full of love to do anything else – I’m not sure I ever experienced an explosion of love more powerful than the one I felt hugging you. I understood that I wouldn’t see you in dreams anymore. We were saying goodbye. So I was using the tears to say thank you. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. Thank you for being in my life, even if it was for only 15 short years. Thank you for always helping me, even when you were not physically here anymore. Thank you for showing me I was good enough to be loved the way you loved me, unconditionally.

It was that certainty of love that made me strong enough to let you go after a while. You did with a laugh in your lips and I knew, I just knew that everything would be fine, no matter what happened from here on. You were going on a new adventure, and I was going to live the one I was still building.

Someday we’ll talk again, and I’ll tell you all about it. But until then: goodbye, my friend. Goodbye, my (grand)father. Have the most wonderful time.

Love you forever,

Your granddaugther.

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